December 12, 2017

Crisis of confidence on Fantasy Island

Posted on 02. Jun, 2013 by Stephan Helgesen in Politics

Ask any newly married couple. It’s tough to pack up the sun block and the two-piece and head back home after a dream honeymoon in Barbados.

Why? Because real life is so, well, real. There’s no concierge, no room service, no Rum Punches on the beach. It’s not playful and carefree, adventurous and provocative 100% of the time. It’s more like 10% at best. This must be how the mainstream media is feeling after their bikini-clad ox got gored at the Associated Press.

Yes, Virginia, the honeymoon is finally over. Unzip the garment bag and take out the truth. It’s time to see if it fits. After nearly five years of pushing it farther back into the closet we may have to admit that it’s probably not in fashion any more. And if it doesn’t fit, what then?  What will that say about our relationship with Barack Obama? Has he been stringing us along or have we simply deluded ourselves that he loved us.

While we’re at it, we might as well take off those rose-colored glasses that our Baby Boomer parents gave us, you know, the ones they got at Woodstock and wore for nearly half a century along with the ‘Make love not war’ buttons.  The glasses are beginning to leave marks on our consciousness. Maybe it’s time to trade them in for a magnifying glass and a spotlight so we can see what shenanigans our government has been up to since Vietnam and Watergate?

Oh, I forgot. We’ve done that already, and are still doing it — that weapons of mass destruction thing (Bush lied, people died).  I’m confused.  Have I got this right?  Do you mean we’re going to have to go after one of our own just because he went after us at the Associated Press?  Seems kind of unfair.  Isn’t there a way we can blame all these scandals on George Bush or Karl Rove or Don Rumsfeld instead of toppling our guy?

It’s tough being conflicted like this. On the one hand, I sort of like the First Amendment and the right not to be surveilled or harassed by the Justice Department or by the IRS. On the other hand, I’d miss being tucked in at night by Kathleen Sibelius and serenaded with an Al Green tune from the Crooner-in-Chief. Government can be soooo comfy.

I mean, I know that all honeymoons eventually come to an end and that we have to get on with our daily lives, but why couldn’t this one have lasted at least until 2017 (or 2025 after Hillary is done being President)?  Now we’re all going to have to listen to those low-life Republicans interrogate our heroes, reducing them to ordinary people. Can you believe that Republicans are going to be defending our rights? Bizarre!

Then there’s the BIG quandary…will we in the press have to cover all these scandals? Can’t we just let Fox News do it and then blame them afterwards for being unfair, unbalanced and highly partisan?  That would be my choice. What?  You don’t think that would fly, that the wells of the Senate and House would look too bare with only one cameraman and one reporter?  Hmmm, could be.

Wait, I’ve got it! We’ll go on a second honeymoon and come back when all this blows over. That way we too can use the most famous DC strategy for not knowing – plausible deniability (nobody told us anything that we didn’t want to hear).  It could work.  It might work. After all, it’s only a scandal.

- Editor

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